Art & Culture

Relationship – Deciding who to marry

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By Arfeen Khan

Deciding who to marry is a very easy task.
The process is easy. Firstly their masculinity and femininity should match. If a man is very masculine in nature he must find a girl who is very feminine. If a girl is masculine in nature, very common nowadays, then she must either pick an extremely masculine man or a feminine, gentle man. The statement opposites attract was originally derived from this method. Now a days people think it means opposites in what they like.
You will find that if a man is masculine and he is dating or married to a masculine female then trust me it will be like hell on earth.

Secondly one must know their MUSTS and SHOULDS. A MUST is something a person will never compromise. e.g. A man may say if you want to be with me you must not spend time with your parents, if that is something that you would never consider doing, and your partner will never accept then I can assure you trouble lies ahead.

One must write a list of all the MUSTS they have and find someone with similar MUSTS. This combination is magic. This requires honesty. The challenge is that we all believe that if we stay together long enough the partner will change their thoughts. But MUSTs never change. They do temporally, but over a period of time they will always return. Shoulds are things we don’t mind changing, so it doesn’t matter if they differ. The problem is that most have very large LISTS of MUSTS and hence challenges. Ask yourself and write down your MUSTS, compare them to the MUSTS of your partner. Do they Match? Will you really compromise in the long run? People say marriage is about compromise, I disagree. Marriage is about finding two people who are compatible and have the same or similar MUSTS.


Decide one day a week where you can speak your heart out without any reaction or justification. Just by listening we can fix almost all challenges.

Stay present , when ever you’re communicating.

Look for they danger signs, i.e. behaviour changes. Behaviour changes often mean that some of the six fuels are not being met. As soon as you see them take action By talking.

Always ask the question in times of adversity. “what needs is my partner trying to meet by behaving in this way? By asking this you will always find the true reason behind the behaviour.

Single people who have trouble with commitment generally have either experienced or witness marriages/relationships that have meant that their six fuels were not met. In this day and age people go thorough multiple relationships before they find the “right” person. Their experiences of the past dictate how they will react in the future. Most don’t even realise why they behave the way they do. Singles complain that their freedom will go after marriage, i.e. not meeting need for significance and uncertainty. The key is to have clarity about what a single person really wants, fulfils need for certainty. The example above about MUSTS and SHOULDS must be followed to determine the right person.

The number one reason why people fail is due to lack of clarity, If one has clarity a person focus ,inner dialogue would come in to place. But it is not only these things that will determine a great relationship. One must understand our rule for each emotion we experience and what values are important to us. That is another subject that will have to be covered another time. My point is that there is a complete process that has to be followed, which is very simple. I cover that in my relationship mastery program.

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